As a mom, I spend a lot of time wondering if I am doing things right. Do I get my kids to eat well balanced meals regularly? (HAHAHA...let me catch my breath...hahaha) Do I yell too much? (probably...ok, I know I do this...but my kids are like wild animals most of the time...it is how I connect to their primitive side) Do I follow all the suggested parenting guidelines like no bottles after 12 months old and using the cry it out method to getting your baby to sleep through the night? (I am trying, ok! Also, my kids are master manipulators and know exactly how to get what they want from me. STOP JUDGING ME!)

Ok, most of those concerns are me mocking the parenting woes of people that are super obsessed with being perfect, but still, we are all guilty of worrying about what we are doing, right or wrong.

Yesterday, I had a moment where I was torn between feeling like parent of the year and wondering if I was doing things right at the same time. I'm not sure how to explain it correctly, but I am going to try.

I have not been what you might call a 'thin' person for quite some time. Pretty much since I became a parent. Something about hormone changes, babies making your body grow beyond your imagined possibilities and then once they come out of your ravaged body, you lack the motivation/energy/time to go running after changing your 5th explosive diarrhea diaper that day. So, all my excuses in place, I will say that while I am not the ideal weight of my younger days, I do want to look better in my jeans, and have more energy. I am definitely not satisfied with my appearance most days, but I most definitely try not to express this sentiment in front of my impressionable 5 year old daughter. I read an article somewhere stating that it is unhealthy to project your own body issues on your children and I really took it to heart. That being said, I still try to maintain a healthy lifestyle for my kids and for my daughter especially, I make sure she is confident about her appearance no matter what.

While we were watching a movie the other day, my daughter asked me which girl on the screen was the prettiest. I of course picked the tall, thin girl with the flowing hair and golden skin. She scrunches up her nose and says, no, mommy, not her. SHE is the prettiest. My daughter then points to the short heavier set girl, with big boobs, and very curvy waist and behind. I of course scrunch my nose back and her and say, "Why is that girl the prettiest?" and to my utter shock she says, "Because mommy, she looks more like you and you are beautiful."

I am now speechless. Immediately, my mind says, I do not want to look like that girl! She is not ugly, but she is not the ideal. She is not Sophia Vergara...not a model! She looks like someones MOM...and then it starts to click. What my daughter said is that she thinks that she is beautiful because she looks like...me. Of course, I hugged my little girl and thanked her. I told her she was beautiful, too. It was a great moment for me to see that my daughter loved me and saw me through unbiased eyes. She was not going by the 'magazine standard' of beauty. I want to be flattered. I AM...but I am still not sure how I feel about this. I am so used to seeing myself as 'not quite as thin, not quite as pretty' as I should be. I guess I am thinking I should change my own view to match hers, but why is it so hard?! I think a lot of women feel this way, and it is so ridiculous...but I don't know how to change it. I will say, having little girls who can grow up and not think that emaciated models are what they should aspire to would be a great start. :)