Offended

Having a moment and wanted to share. As it pertains to my statement, please delete me if you are offended. :) I will understand.

Guess what? You were not born with the "Right" not to be offended. It is not the job of everyone around you to monitor everything they say and do to avoid offending YOU, or people like you. Whatever makes you "special" or different , whether it be your sexual preference, personal interests, religious belief, ethnicity, hobbies, housing preference, financial status, even your career choices, it is not up to the world to cater to your feelings.  You can't set rules for society stating what others can say or do around you.

What you can control, is your own environment. Don't hang out with people that make racist jokes if that offend you. Don't buy movies with actors that mock your religious beliefs. Don't watch the news program that doesn't present the stories the way you feel they should be viewed. Don't buy magazines with pictures on the cover that you find tasteless. It is fairly simple.

Should workplaces police such behaviors, yes! Should people that shout obscenities at strangers in the street be ostracized, of course! No one should be allowed to chase someone down the street and ridicule them. That is verbal assault. I am not talking about bullying either. I am referring to general conversation. Basic lifestyles. If your neighbor is gay, and you don't like it, don't talk to him. Don't having him for dinner. Leave him alone and he can leave you alone. If your other neighbor has a rebel flag in their window, do the same. Get over yourself.  People are all different. We can get along with each other without the drama if we learn to be respectful of each other without assuming we have to change them. You know what else? You will NEVER get along with everyone. It doesn't work. Sadly there will always be people you don't like. There will be even more people that don't like you. Deal with it. Stop trying to mold the world around you to make you comfortable. Make yourself comfortable by designing your life to avoid the things that offend you. We will all be much happier for it.

As a mom, I spend a lot of time wondering if I am doing things right. Do I get my kids to eat well balanced meals regularly? (HAHAHA...let me catch my breath...hahaha) Do I yell too much? (probably...ok, I know I do this...but my kids are like wild animals most of the time...it is how I connect to their primitive side) Do I follow all the suggested parenting guidelines like no bottles after 12 months old and using the cry it out method to getting your baby to sleep through the night? (I am trying, ok! Also, my kids are master manipulators and know exactly how to get what they want from me. STOP JUDGING ME!)

Ok, most of those concerns are me mocking the parenting woes of people that are super obsessed with being perfect, but still, we are all guilty of worrying about what we are doing, right or wrong.

Yesterday, I had a moment where I was torn between feeling like parent of the year and wondering if I was doing things right at the same time. I'm not sure how to explain it correctly, but I am going to try.

I have not been what you might call a 'thin' person for quite some time. Pretty much since I became a parent. Something about hormone changes, babies making your body grow beyond your imagined possibilities and then once they come out of your ravaged body, you lack the motivation/energy/time to go running after changing your 5th explosive diarrhea diaper that day. So, all my excuses in place, I will say that while I am not the ideal weight of my younger days, I do want to look better in my jeans, and have more energy. I am definitely not satisfied with my appearance most days, but I most definitely try not to express this sentiment in front of my impressionable 5 year old daughter. I read an article somewhere stating that it is unhealthy to project your own body issues on your children and I really took it to heart. That being said, I still try to maintain a healthy lifestyle for my kids and for my daughter especially, I make sure she is confident about her appearance no matter what.

While we were watching a movie the other day, my daughter asked me which girl on the screen was the prettiest. I of course picked the tall, thin girl with the flowing hair and golden skin. She scrunches up her nose and says, no, mommy, not her. SHE is the prettiest. My daughter then points to the short heavier set girl, with big boobs, and very curvy waist and behind. I of course scrunch my nose back and her and say, "Why is that girl the prettiest?" and to my utter shock she says, "Because mommy, she looks more like you and you are beautiful."

I am now speechless. Immediately, my mind says, I do not want to look like that girl! She is not ugly, but she is not the ideal. She is not Sophia Vergara...not a model! She looks like someones MOM...and then it starts to click. What my daughter said is that she thinks that she is beautiful because she looks like...me. Of course, I hugged my little girl and thanked her. I told her she was beautiful, too. It was a great moment for me to see that my daughter loved me and saw me through unbiased eyes. She was not going by the 'magazine standard' of beauty. I want to be flattered. I AM...but I am still not sure how I feel about this. I am so used to seeing myself as 'not quite as thin, not quite as pretty' as I should be. I guess I am thinking I should change my own view to match hers, but why is it so hard?! I think a lot of women feel this way, and it is so ridiculous...but I don't know how to change it. I will say, having little girls who can grow up and not think that emaciated models are what they should aspire to would be a great start. :)

A little sit down

So, I just had an awesome realization. I spend a large part of my day sitting down. I know you are thinking, I'm either bragging or lying because no mom with two young children has time for that. No, what I mean is, I spend a lot of time sitting back down over and over again because I am determined to get that 10 minutes of time to myself in the morning to drink my coffee with my feet tucked under myself on the comfy corner of the sofa. I started this task at 8:15 a.m. and so far, I have managed 7.5 minutes of sitting and it isn't even 10:00 yet. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Really, I am thinking, how much less tired would I be if I had just skipped the sitting and stood at the ready like a new military recruit waiting for orders.

I started my morning pretty well. I got to sleep til 8:05 and being a Sunday, I loved every extra second. Then I opened my eyes, and I realized I either had a mirror in my face or my 5 year old daughter was inches from my nose waiting for my eyes to open. (she knows she is not allowed to actually wake until Eight Three Zero Zero on the weekend.) About the time I finished rinsing my toothbrush I hear my name on the baby monitor. It's like the voice of God echoing in the room when you are still half asleep, but you know it can't be because it says, "Mommy, I peed! Mommy! Out!" I'm guessing God would be able to handle those things on his own. Anyway, I get everyone settled downstairs, I make my cup of coffee and sit down. Ahh.... Then, "Mom, I peed." (Somehow I forgot this). I change a diaper, and then I sit back down. "Mommy, I'm a little hungry. I want the granola bars on the top of the pantry." I retrieve and sit back down, one sip. "mom, eat! Me eat" I guess I should feed the baby now. I pour him some cereal and then try sitting with my coffee again. Slurp. Sigh...
Dog then jumps in my face, sloshing coffee on my shirt. "I must pee. I must pee now AND their is a squirrel in our yard and I must go tell it that I can see him!!!! Mom!!!" I set her free into the yard and sit again. One sip. TWO sips...I am loving life...Then the back door starts making crazy sounds, because the dog needs to come back in RIGHT NOW. Let dog back in. Sit dow...Dog is back, jumping and pacing, running back to where her food bowl is. Oh yeah, you eat too. Ok, I feed and water the dog. I sit back down. I am on my 6th minute now, and as I am sipping my coffee, I notice a telltale smell in the room that is not coffee, and is only going to get worse til I change it. Again, I do my diaper duty, wash up and am back in my cozy spot. I am exhausted. It is almost 10 and I have been sitting here all morning. Why am I so tired? WTH? Oh...yeah, now I remember.

BTW, you are thinking, how did you find time to write this short little blog by 10:15? Well, that my dear, is what those $1.99 bags of hostess chocolate donuts are for. You throw them to the 'wolves' and type furiously while they devour their prey. The bag is almost empty so I gotta run. Til next time.

I woke up this morning and had high hopes that I would find some motivation to clean and organize my house. My bedroom is looking especially awesome with several piles of laundry calling my name. So of course I am sitting here with my second cup of coffee waiting for my laundry to learn a new name..like my husband's. One can dream, right?

Sometimes you simply have to accept that life will hand you things other than lemons and you will have to make what you will of it. When you have children, you learn that more often than not, whatever you are handed will likely be stinky, sticky and occasionally if you are lucky, just a used Kleenex or something easily identifiable and safely wrapped. Hahaha...I keed. Most likely it will not be wrapped well, and you will get whatever it is on your hands.

I have come to terms that some of my furniture will have a random princess stickers. Some places on the carpet will always look slightly blue and sparkly. Some days, I will be excited that the house only kind of smells like wet dog and mostly like Febreeze. Other days I will have to spend countless hours wondering what 'that smell is' and more countless hours finding the source and getting rid of it. Finally, I have to accept that 'the smell' lives here and hopefully a bath will help.

Obviously I am not the best blogger. I am going for every January. So sue me. I did have something interesting to talk about so I'll be getting to that now.

On November 29, 2011, my husband and I experienced the miracle of life for the second time and welcomed little man, Brian P. Washington Jr., aka Patrick, into the world. As we have been adjusting to having multiple children in our house, including the lack of sleep, increased toddler tantrums, and the return of diapers into our home, I have been fighting the ever present thoughts of whether or not we are performing our parenting jobs to the best of our ability. Every parent I have ever met has come across this issue at one point or another. Wondering if you are doing things right, reading crazy research articles to see if you are feeding your newborn at the best possible angle to prevent ear aches, to reading other friends blogs and Facebook posts and noting that THEIR 3 year old can write their name in crayon while yours is still eating them...and dog food. This issue has been researched and discussed hundreds of times. How parents compare and worry about their parenting skills, and judge others accordingly is practically an American tradition.

Well, today I read an article that made me realize some things that I wish more people would think about, too. The story focused on the quality of CPS investigations, and how sometimes the children that are supposed to be being protected are still suffering and dying because of faulty paperwork, incompetent social workers, etc. It really is a sad story, but what it really made me think about besides the sad fate of many children in our world, is that while I may not be parent of the year, I have nothing to worry about when it comes to my parenting skills, or my ability to love my children.

Yes, many nights I have been too tired to read my 3 year old a story. I have skipped a tooth brushing because she fell asleep on the couch and I was not about to wake her. I let her sleep on the couch. I've fed her chicken nuggets or a brownie or both for meals more times than I care to admit, and I've lain awake for what seems like hours (probably 5 or so minutes) listening to my newborn cry and hoping they will just fall back asleep so I don't have to get up for the third time that night to feed him. I've done likely hundreds of parenting book 'no nos' and I will likely do many more. What I am starting to accept is that doing these things does not make me a bad parent or even a bad person. It just makes me imperfect. Human and very normal. I think what is not normal are the people that don't take this very true fact into consideration when they look at parents, good parents that are feeding, loving and caring for their children the best that they can and then try to pass judgment on them. This is especially to be noted by the parents that spend way too much time judging themselves.

Child abuse is a very serious problem in our world, and I am not trying to detract from that. I am just using that example to show the very drastic difference between hurting a child and letting them watch too much TV or if you are trying to sleep train them with the controversial 'crying it out' method. Try to remember this, parents, as you are letting your toddler cry themselves to sleep in their crib with clean sheets, holding their favorite blankie. The child that has a full belly of what might be goldfish and koolaid, but they are fed and warm and very lucky to have you. You are doing your best and you should be proud of yourself for it.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today I feel like poo. I fell asleep in my clothes on the couch last night. I was awakened by a sniffling two year old at about 4:30 A.M. who wanted mommy to 'hold you'. We cuddled for about 10 minutes before I gave up my couch to her and slept on the floor, using random baby doll blankies and stuffed animals for bedding. I woke up again at 7:30 with a Mardi Gras necklace stuck to my face and hobbled over to my computer to start working.
It is almost noon, and I still haven't showered or eaten anything. I am just sitting here trying to focus on work, and waiting for the new system to load each thing I update. Takes about 2 minutes between entries. Great fun. Obviously I am sick. I know I need to eat, shower, and take some sort of meds to make myself start feeling better...but I am just too tired to care. I did good getting a pot of coffee started and dressing my child to go to day care. Thank God Brian was around to take her, or she might still be sitting here in her backwards shirt and no pants. He fixed that, too. I miss being able to BE sick and 'enjoy' it by laying on the couch and having my mom bring me cracker and 7 up with a straw. :(
I think I'll move to Australia.

It's not easy, being green

I have noticed that most of the people that are concerned about the 'green' movement and are pushing people towards fuel efficient cars and and buying expensive organic foods are the ultra rich. I get the feeling that these people have so much money and time that they have to find something to worry about. Then, they want to make it my problem. I am sorry, but I have enough problems without feeling like it is my job to save the world, too! I want some of these celebrities to call me when they lose their millions and actually have to grocery shop on a budget of $200 and tell me how many $10 lightbulbs they can afford and whether they are going to buy eggos for $2 a box to feed their kids, or if they are still going to buy organic produce. Now politicians are talking about raising taxes on natural gas, coal and oil to promote Greener lifestyles...that will go over well. If only I could aford to put in a more efficient hot water heater...oh, wait. I live in an apartment. What exactly would you like me to do to make my home Greener? I guess I could go around and unplug all my appliances..sigh. I think that our world will greatly benefit from recycling and trying to create less waste, but when being Green becomes more cost effective, I will be able to participate more. Now please quit preaching to me!

Hollywood goes green...

Wondering....

Sometimes I feel like in this day and age, it is taboo for a woman to admit that that they just want to be a wife and mother. Past generations told women that that was all they could ever want or expect to be. And then, I feel like my generation and future ones expect all women to want to have a career and to plan their lives in such a way that a traditional family and life has to be put on hold until they had accomplished something. I am not saying that women who have and want to do this are not right in doing so. I think it is wonderful that women have the opportunity to do anything they would dream of. I guess I am just trying to figure out when it stopped being OK for a girl to say she wants to grow up to get married, and have a baby. That sounds so trashy doesn't it? As if a girl should never admit that she would be content with that. I think it is sad that women who are willing to stay home and care for their families are no longer considered a valued part of our society. I even catch myself making fun of those women that do stay home. It is as if my brain is trained to think that they are less because they can and/or want to be home with their kids instead of working. Lets not forget, these people are working for free for 24 hours a day, doing menial tasks like diaper changing and cleaning toilets in between parenting. Yet, there are some people that want to do this. Shouldn't they be considered valuable, instead of being looked at as less of a person?

If being a stay at home parent were a lucrative career choice, would that be more valued and viewed as as a desirable life choice like being a doctor or lawyer? Most career choices are valued by how much time and work it involves to get there. Actually, many families DO have to work hard to allow one parent to be home with their children. Sacrifices have to be made.

Some people are not in a position to be a stay at home parent. Some families are not financially able to have a parent stay home. For most single moms and dads this option does not even exist, but what is wrong with WANTING that? That is what I am asking. Also, I think a big reason I am asking this question is because I am one of those people that are stuck in a place where this is not an option. For a lot of wives and mothers out there, including myself, we are burdened with the responsibilities of jobs outside the home and the majority of the work IN our homes. There is usually not a clear cut example of what is expected of us at home, but many of us put extra responsibilities on ourselves, and are then overwhelmed by them. As a society, how many husbands do we hear complaining because they do all the housework and don’t get enough help with the kids when their wives get home from work? Exactly. I’m sure they exist, but I can’t think of very many. Gender roles are defined very early in life, and once we take them on, it seems like we are stuck with them, even when we add extra things to our lives, such as jobs and community activities.

On a side note, I also believe stay at home dads are equally looked at in a negative light, which is ridiculous. If that is what works for their family, then don't judge. I didn't want to make this come across as if they don't exist, because I know they do!

My Wedding

I am going to be getting Married on September 2, 2007. :) I am starting this blog to track some of those things so I can share my ideas and track my progress as I plan.